Dancing With The Stars Billingsley Style

Well, our little judge was a little distracted tonight, but she had plenty to say about tonight's big show...

Evan: "I'd like him more if he had different hair. That's dumb hair."

Niecy: "She dances SO good."

Kate: "I've never seen anything like this in my entire life." (I have to agree with her here... really wise words.)

Erin: "Favorite dance of the night. I like how her dress doesn't have any parts on the back." (Don't worry. She didn't see how Erin nearly lost some "parts" out the front of her dress!)

As for Buzz Aldrin, James and I think he and his wife must have gotten a 2 for 1 deal on face lifts.

Abbie was even less impressed with our favorite stretch faced astronaut. She thought she and her father could do A LOT better than him. You get to be the judge of that...

We ended up splitting our votes tonight between Chad Ochocinco (because Mommy thinks he is dreamy) and Nicole (because her Daddy thinks she is dreamy).

Just another day, Being Billingsley...

She's A Dancin' Machine

We all know Abbie loves to dance, but I bet you didn't know she is the unofficial fourth judge of Dancing With The Stars.

My girl knows her dance, and she has no time for "dancers" who don't mind proper technique. Here are a few thoughts from her regarding some of tonight's performances...

Niecy Nash: "She's just good."

Evan Lysacek: "Doesn't look good...except for his face."

Jake Pavelka: "He's sorry."

Kate Gosselin: "This seems long."

Buzz Aldrin: "I'm thinking a 13 for him. He's got an old nose. Maybe he should just dance on the moon."

Well, there you have it folks... She really is an expert. Should you ever have a question regarding the show this season, feel free to send it to me.

Maybe you want to know, "How can Pamela Anderson put 'actress' on her bio?" or, "Do we really need 12 more weeks before Nicole Scherzinger is declared the winner?" I'll make sure she gets it, and she would be happy to answer it for you every Monday.

Stay tuned every week for more from your Fourth Judge!

Just another day managing my daughter's new career and Being Billingsley...

Jersey Mania!

What is with this obsession with Jersey women caricatures? Just think of what could happen if these women would use their powers for good instead of using them to apply too much eye make-up, layer on fake tans, and defy gravity with big hair.

Why do people find them entertaining? Surely it's not for their style. I mean you have to be a special piece of trash to pull that look off. Let's experiment with the online Jersey make-over...

Test #1:

Well, this obviously doesn't work because, I can't pull off that much lipstick on my teeth.

Test #2:

Again, this doesn't work. The hair is too big to fit in the frame, and that much eyeliner could have been used to tar those wretched Jersey roads. Furthermore, I can't make lipstick on the teeth work.

Test #3:

Wow, just look at how badly I work that fake tanned face and white neck combo. Additionally, I can't maintain that eye shellacking.

So, we've proven it here... Leave these make-overs to the professional trash of Jersey Shore and Jerseylicious.

Just another day Being Billingsley...

8 Months!

Lila, you are one sassy girl....

You are 8 months old today and under the impression that you run the joint. I LOVE IT!

It's been a busy month for you:

• You got your first two teeth!
• After approximately 248 tries, you are finally able to wear a bow in your three beautiful blonde hairs.
• You've been able to sit up for about a month now, but today you decided to put yourself in a seated position after being on your tummy. It was done mostly in protest to your afternoon nap.
• When you get on all 4's, you like to rock, but don't seem all that interested in crawling yet. Your sister was the same way! I like to consider that a "Thank You" from you both for being such a good Mom.
• Another thing you do like your sister did is take your diaper off when you are in your crib. That's all I'm going to say about that...
  
• You discovered how to get the Gerber Multi-Grain Puffs into your mouth. They are your favorite snack, and you aren't the least bit scared of them sticking to your face, belly, high chair, kitchen floor, dog, or fingers.
  
• You still love to eat. We're at about 4 times a day now and still 2 table meals a day. We've added a mid-day snack of Puffs and water.
• You are still a great sleeper... 12 hours a night and 3 naps a day.
• You must have an audience. Playtime will never work unless there is at least one other person sitting on the blanket watching you.
  

Everyone still comments on how much you look like your Dad, but your little personality is really all Mommy!

I love you, sassy little thing!!!!!

Just another day of celebrating and Being Billingsley...

I Can Quit Anytime...

Well, it's easy to quit when the bag of Tootsie Rolls that was purchased yesterday is completely empty!

I've decided to get a handle on this addiction stuff.
So, I promise not to eat one piece of that fruit in the background.

Just another day of dipping into the Easter Bunny's stash, and Being Billingsley...

Happy St. Pat's!

This picture depicts the two personalities so well. It really cracks me up.

Just another day Being Billingsley...

Look Who's Wearing Her First Bow

If I get one single comment on how ridiculous it is to put a hair bow on a baby who has three sum total hairs, I will come to your house to give you the same lesson I have to give James about hair bows on southern girls. Save yourself the half-day lecture, and just enjoy the cuteness...

This is a big day at Chez Billingsley... Gotta run and write about the achievement in her baby book!

Just another cuter than average day Being Billingsley...

Why Is This So Funny?

Lila has always thought this is hilarious. I can't figure it out...

Just another hilarious day Being Billingsley...

Lookin' Good

Occasionally I catch myself going through pictures of Abbie when she was a little bitty thing.

I love doing it because it brings back some really sweet memories. Looking at the pics today, I remembered how my girl used to LOVE to dress up...

How better to make an impression than by going to tea with no shirt on? Try it. I bet people will never forget you.

Pretty sure she was negotiating an audio visual contract on Mom's cell phone while rockin' her red peekaboo heels.

Even at a young age, Abbie understood a lady shouldn't leave the house without a little mascara.

The Chef.

Safety first. A person cannot be too safe while watching Praise Baby videos.

A pioneer for original style... Here she fashioned the most unique suspenders you've ever seen from her Mom's underpants.

Just another day walking down memory lane and Being Billingsley...

My Cute Girls

Just another incredibly blessed day Being Billingsley...

Mother and Father of the Year!

Well, we all watched the Oscars last night as a family.

Abbie wasn't overly impressed, but she tolerated it in the name of a "family activity." She did, however, comment that Demi Moore looked "absolutely lovely" and Sandra Bullock was "beautiful." I agree.

Lila was disgusted. She cried all night. She thought Sarah Jessica Parker made a horrendous choice, and crying was her commentary on the ridiculousness that is print fabrics in evening couture. (By the way, I totally disagree with her stance, and we tried to discuss again this morning. I only succeeded in upsetting her all over again.)

In the middle of the Oscar extravaganza, James went to the kitchen to clean up dinner, and I went into another room to take a quick phone call. Apparently, we did that just in time to leave our five-year-old daughter alone on the couch while the Academy paid tribute to the Horror Film genre.

That's right folks! Abbie watched a montage of horror films that included Nightmare on Elm Street. She started to ask questions like, "What's wrong with his face," and she was convinced that The Blob was the most terrifying thing she's ever seen.

As soon as James caught on to what was happening, he ran into the living room and tried to run interference saying things like, "Oh that was just pretend...." "No, Abbie, that wasn't blood. It is called a Blob. It's like Play Doh." She wasn't buying any of it.

Ahhhh, some of our best work...

Just another day recovering from no sleep last night and Being Billingsley...

Mommy Free Zone

So, today Abbie brings me a picture she had just drawn. It was a sketch of a lady with some very tall purple hair and a tasteful red dress on.

I thought it was odd that she was so intent on making sure I knew it was a picture of a "Mom." She said it over-and-over again. "This is a picture of a Mom." I was a little puzzled.

But, when I walked to the back of the house a few minutes later, I understood why she wanted to make sure I got it. Notice what she did with her picture of "Mom."


Notice where she put it...


That would be her bedroom door.

Just another day working on a sign of my own and Being Billingsley...

Words of Advice From Abbie Part II...

Well, she was persistent...

She dressed me all up and feels strongly we should maintain the look daily. It makes me look more like a bride...

The look was replete with veil, tiara, butterfly necklace, maternity dress, pink scarf, and sparkly pink "lip glops."

Just another day of following directions and Being Billingsley...

Words of Advice From Abbie...

I am working really hard today to get my house back in shape after being sick last week. Trust me when I say it's a doozie!

While attacking the mountain of junk on the coffee table, my daughter struck up this conversation:

Abbie: "Mom, I need to fix your hair so you won't look like a disaster."

Me: "Well thanks."

Abbie: "You should surprise Daddy by not being in your jammies."

Me: "Well, Mommy's been sick. So, she's been wearing her jammies a lot lately because they are comfy."

Abbie: "Your feet are really dry. It's embarrassing. You should try to look more like a bride."

Me: "I'm sorry you are embarrassed. I'll work on it."

Abbie: "Seriously, can we pull your hair out of that ponytail and do something with it?"

Shortly thereafter, she came into the living room with a dress, some make-up, and a brush to do my hair. She's my own personal Oprah.

Just another day Being Billingsley...